So there's this guy...

His name is Derek. Derek and I met last October. He was cute I guess, but I never really had a crush on him. Although it was obvious to everyone he liked me. I can always tell when someone likes me though because I have awsome powers like that ;D So we became close freinds. But unfortunately, I ended up developing a crush for him while him and my other friend Cassie were dating :/ They broke up early on last month. But when I finally choked up the courage to tell my freind Rebecca, she admitted to liking him too. Of course. The only guy who has ever really liked me back, has to be the one who EVERYONE likes T_T

Well now Derek and Rebecca are like best freinds. So she was asking him all of these questions one night, and one of her questions were who he liked. So he told her that he liked ME. He had to be gentle with it though, because he already knew that Rebecca likes him ALSO [Confusing,I know. But Rebecca told him a day before that, because she's a drama queen and wanted attention from him T_T]. So when she told me, I ran around the house screaming. Hehe.

Derek is about as sweet as it gets. He's a great listener, and really understanding. I'm not just gushing about that because I like him, he really honestly is.

So due to me being practically in love with him, and me non-stop day dreaming about him, I inevitably had a dream about him. I'll just cut to all of the important parts because my dreams get weird and pointless [this one I had about Derek started with a mexican couple going on a honeymoon to a haunted resort, in a grocery store. No joke.] . So I'm hanging out with some of my freinds, when I felt someone like hugging me from behind almost, and then they start pulling me bck. So my feet are dragging and I'm just giggling. It never realy occurred to me until they let go that it was Derek. And my heart gushed. He had hugged me, and like flirted and played with me. We barely talk anymore from all of the...akwardness...I guess you could call it, since we figured out we like eachother and how we can't do anything about it like going out because of Cassie and Rebecca.

So I turn around and he's gone. It was a weird feeling, like I felt empty and sad. And all of a sudden I had the knowledge that I had Derek, in the palm of my hands, he was right there for me, and now he's almost gone. Drifting away. I had the sudden urge and determination to do something about it. I was tired of just sitting around doing nothing about our situation. I needed to get something out of him, we needed to settle something. I forgot lots of little bits of my dream, so all I remebemer after that is having major confidence and just walking up to him, and bumping into him "accidentally" and just talking and hanging out with him.

So later on in this dream, I decided to confide in a girl I know named Monica. I have no idea why [a sign perhaps O.o] I did in this dream. It's very apparent she deosn't like me that much, and I'm not a huge fan of her either. We still talk and everything, but she can get catty sometimes. But anywho, back to the dream x] I wrote down a note asking Derek if he still likes me, and handed it to Monica, so she put it in a rainbow sock [don't ask, I have no clue why.] and ran to go put it in Derek's room [we'rein a resort, remember, so he has a room.] . I was in a circle with a bunch of freinds and Derek walks in. He joins us and then Monica walks in.She leaned over Derek's head and whispered something into my freind's ear who was sitting next to Derek. Derek giggled, and I knew that Monica had whispered something about me and Derek. That sudden surge of confidence surged through me again, and I laughed with him and said, "You heard what she said didn't you?!" He nodded and pulled out the note I wrote him.

When I read it he had replied no. Meaning, no, he didn't like me anymore. It was sad I'll admit, but it was weird because I was willing to accept this and move on. So just as me and Derek made our way over to an empty corner to talk things out I woke up. I didn't really know I asked in the note if he liked me anymore. I guess just hoping it would spark some conversation of going out, maybe evern secretly, I don't know. I just really wanted to talk to him.

But still today as I write this, that feeling of him hugging me from behind, and flirting and playing around with me, haunts me. I really want it. I just want to be in his arms, I just want to be with him, and I can't. I'll never be able too. I guess that's my entire problem. Yet I just sit here and do nothing. So now I'm determined to talk some kind of...I don't know, arrangement I guess with him. Although he had already said he deosn't want to date for a while, I still need to know. Because now it really feels like he doesn't like me anymore, and he's slipping through my fingers.

So wish me luck, I see him tomorrow. I probably won't muster up the courage to bring the subject up, but I can always make my freinds do it for me xD